my future (obviously) obituary

Pastor, professor, musician, humorist, bon vivant, and failed painter Chandler Smith died a while back at the unexpected age of 83. He is survived by his wife who may finally get some sleep, two sons, two daughters, a dog, and a whole bunch of grandchildren, whose inheritance includes a collection of electric guitars ready to be pawned.

Dr. Smith was probably best known on the international level for his song writing, which can be described as "different." After abandoning the music scene to, in his own words, "grow up," Dr. Smith finally finished his Master's in Divinity and began preaching and traveling the world as a missionary. Dr. Smith was often heard saying "i've got nothing better to do with all this money." This was of course a joke, as he often accepted his payments in beer and/or fine tobacco instead of money, much to his family's dismay.

At the age of 42, Dr. Smith began teaching in seminary, while also earning his Doctor of Ministry from a really fancy university. Dr. Smith's teaching style was often described as "different." It was around this time when Dr. Smith wrote his only book. When asked by Rolling Stone magazine why he didn't continue writing, despite having had some success with his book, Dr. Smith said "(writing books) is a real chore." He also has created about 20 different blogs throughout his lifetime, all of which are obscure and mostly forgotten. Dr. Smith's writing style was often described as "kinda funny, sometimes."

Dr. Smith retired at the age of 70 to pursue his passion for painting, much to his family's dismay. His paintings can be described as "different," and "not very good."

Sensing his time was near, Dr. Smith added a request to the coroner to refrain from shaving his beard in his will just days before his death. This was, of course, much to his family's dismay.

It was determined that Dr. Smith's death was caused by extreme exhaustion after chasing his undisciplined dog "all damn day," fulfilling his suspicion that the dog was "gonna be the end of (him)."

His funeral was either yesterday or perhaps earlier this morning.